oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
