xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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