I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
