So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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