Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
