Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
