I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
