I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
