i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We are two peas in an std pod
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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