I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
