she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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