Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
