I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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