just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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