My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
