He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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