Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
