don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
