my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
