worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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