What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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