White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
