I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
