If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
