whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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