Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
