before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
