Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
