the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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