Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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