I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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