I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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