Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
