What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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