i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
