my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize