Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
