hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
