it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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