Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
