foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
