Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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