On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
