Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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