Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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