im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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