Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
