That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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