Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
