He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
