Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
