Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
