Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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