There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
