You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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