roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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