I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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