Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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