I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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