We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
