There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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