Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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