Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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