did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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