There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
