Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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