in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize