some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
