for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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